choke.

I found a very unique phenomena several days ago, which happened inside a bus.

This bus, which I taken to go to Ramkamheng, was full of people, precisely mens. But fortunately I still got some empty seats to sit when I stepped into the bus. So I sat there, and it was like few minutes, there was a tomboy, a woman (uhm, in my case, she was just a young girl), who has appearances like a man, stepped inside the bus, and sat on the seat not far from me. Then the bus went along the way.. The wind breeze, but it don't give me fresh air (am I too much here hehe) Then.. just moments after that, the bus stopped in front of a bus stop near RCA, then here comes an old lady. She stepped inside, and was so confused because she brought a lot of stuffs but there was no seat any-fucking-more. I was about to stand and give my seat to her, but, I looked around first. Like I told you before, most of the the passengers were men, so I waited for some second to let those men "think and conscious". But do you know what happened next?

Those "gentlemen" still sat comfortably on their seats. Ok, so, I didn't think that they're real men after that, so I was about to stand again, but... the next big thing had just happened! The tomboy one, the real gentleman, standed up, gave her seat to the woman. Oooo?! what a gentlewoman!

That day was so inspiring. I thought a lot about that day. And I keep asking for myself; What are genders for?

have been told you
that my life is worse than yours,
and it is more teribble than gross,
that you couldn't even imagine how hard to survive the force.

have been told you
i'm here to not only have fun
actually i prefer to buy a gun
and shoot my head then fall down

Supernova: The Beautiful Death of a Star

Hubble did catch the beautiful death of a star which named as "Supernova 1987A". It's found more than two decades ago. But later on 2006, Hubble took the picture of it again, much more detail. And voila! Here comes the cosmic pearls..

God, the death of a star can be this beautiful. Yes, it seems beautiful from our perspective, because we're just too far away from where it happened. I have no idea if I live in that star that time. It won't be as beautiful as the look, for sure.

and it's the time for anti-heroine!

The elegant Ms. Dara from "Rumah Dara"

The seductive Ms. Dawn O'keefe from "Teeth"

Begitu banyak film-film menarik yang dirilis akhir-akhir ini. Ada yang komedi, lalu romansa, terus action, thriller.. bahkan ada juga yang kombinasi atau perpaduan dari semuanya. Semuanya cukup menarik, tapi mengingat budget gue yang lagi tipis.. ya terpaksa dipendam dulu hasrat gue untuk nonton semuanya. Well, akhir-akhir ini gue emang bisa dibilang ga pernah ke bioskop. Terakhir gue nonton apa yah.. Up-nya Pixar kalo ga salah, dan itupun gue nonton di Lido Siam, salah satu bioskop termurah di Bangkok, yang herannya cuma nampilin film-film bagus doang. Keren yah, ga kaya di Indonesia, bioskop-bioskop murah malah nampilin film-film murahan juga.

Wih jadi curhat hehe. Yah intinya gue lagi jarang dan memalaskan diri untuk menginjakkan kaki ke bioskop. Tapiii akhir-akhir ini juga nih ya.. ada beberapa film yang bener-bener menggoda gue untuk abisin isi dompet untuk karcis bioskop. Beberapa film ini sebenernya cuma dua sih, dan dua-duanya horor! Dan juga gore! Film-film tersebut adalah film "Rumah Dara" atau "Macabre" (judul internasionalnya) dan "Teeth".
"Rumah Dara" adalah film horor dari negara kita yang dengan sedih saya cinta, yaitu Indonesia. Dan denger-denger katanya merupakan film horor Indonesia terbaik. Gue liat dari facebooknya sih achievement The Mo Brothers (kru-nya film Rumah Dara) banyak banget. Gue sampe speechless karena belom pernah liat segitu banyak penghargaan yang film horor Indonesia dapetin. Berita gembiranya, "Rumah Dara" bakal dirilis secara serentak Oktober 2009 di Jakarta, which means.. this movie is a newborn baby! And I hope that their crew will fly to Bangkok and show their movie here, amen! You have to go check their facebook link and watch the trailer indeed!
Lalu ada juga "Teeth". Sebenernya film ini dirilis di Bangkok udah beberapa bulan yang lalu. Awalnya gue tertarik banget nonton film ini. Tapi alangkah sayangnya karena keterbatasan waktu maka gue kehabisan kesempatan untuk nonton "Teeth" :(
Teeth juga lumayan banyak achievementnya. Kru dan aktrisnya menang dalam beberapa kategori. Dan bahkan mereka masuk Sundance! Tres cool.

Well, gue gak akan nulis review dua film ini karena gue suka kelepasan terus jadi spoiler. Then, what's the point of this article anyway? Too many intros and blablablacksheeps.

Yah, gue cuma mau bilang aja penyebab ketertarikan gue atas dua film horor ini.
Gue liat dua film ini punya kesamaan, yaitu genre mereka yang satire-and-black comedy horror, dan tokoh utamanya adalah wanita! *terus?!* Bukan wanita sembarangan, Kawan, tapi film ini bener-bener film feminis! Pembela kaum wanita! LOL. Dua tokoh utamanya adalah pembunuh berdarah dingin berwujudkan wanita cantik dan menggoda. Dua film ini menggambarkan kalo wanita bukan hanya wujud yang lemah dan bisa diperdaya, tapi wanita juga bisa memperdaya pria. Haha sounds great!

Sejauh ini gue cuma liat 'pria' sebagai pelaku kejahatan di film-film horor. Dari jaman-jaman 1970an, yaitu "The Omen", lanjut ke film-film horornya Stanley Kubrick, terus "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", sampe jaman-jaman ke remake horor era 60-an, lalu film-film horornya Eli Roth.. semuanya cowo! Bosen gue. Yah walaupun film-film horor mereka sama sekali ga membosankan sih, malah sangat sangat menarik dan keren banget, tapi.. ya itu dia.. tokoh utamanya adalah seorang pria. Huhu.

Oiyah lupa bilang, selipan dikit nih, ada juga sih satu film yang juga menarik gue, yaitu "Lady Terminator" atau judul Indonesianya "Pembalasan Ratu Pantai Selatan". Film ini adalah film horor produksi Indonesia tahun 1988, dan cukup terkenal dikalangan pecinta film horor di penjuru dunia. Film ini 'memakai' wanita sebagai anti-heroine mereka. Gue pengen banget sih nonton, but as you know, most of Indonesia's eighties movies have some unnecesary porn actions, which are so cheap. So it's like, they use a woman as their heroine, but they look down at her as well. Plin plan.

Ya begitulah, finally I got new eyecandies to watch. Harusnya diperbanyak nih film sejenis untuk memperilhatkan bahwa wanita tuh sama rata dengan pria! hahaha. Ok then, hopefully I have chance to watch them both. Hmm.. me.. what a killer women fetishist :]

s.i.ck

i'm tired of throwing-ups.
i'm tired of surviving.

i need an exit.

"****"

Dear Ma and Pa,
I'm sorry that I can only talk.
Talk about rubbish.
Rubbish that makes me talk gibberish.
Dear Ma and Pa,
I'm sorry that I can't make you proud.
Because my brain is just as small as a beansprout.
And I can't hear their voices even though they talk so out-loud.

"****"

So, today I discovered that:
I'm the only one creature who screwing up my own life and feeling proud of it.
How come, Brina? Can you take any advantages of it? Can you?

"****"

So here is my theme song for today:

So you brush you hair down
and you let your makeup dry
Stupid
and you let the ball drop
Why did you do it?
Why did you do it?
and you let your bridges burn
with your Secretive Timing
She(He?)Was a Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy
Named Laughing Boy


Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy - Modest Mouse
*I wish I could change the 'boy' to the 'girl', so I can really feel that's me in this song!!

"****"

photo courtesy of lomokev@flickr

I, wish, I,..

..could sit under the supercells

..could gaze the milkyway

..was haunted by the mammatus clouds

..could feel the beauty of the aurora borealis (+that I see from an igloo)

And all I wanna do right now is to sit or laying on the ground under the infinite and mysterious sky, gazing the mysterious beauty, feeling the fear and excitement at the same time.